Foolish
by maricam25
Summary: Chichi thought on what it's like to love Goku


**Foolish **

He knows I will wait for eternity, only to see him, feel him, touch him. I once dreamt of a life where he would always be beside me. I dreamt of home filled with laughter and warmth with him here comforting me, fighting with me, but most of all loving me. With me waiting for him to come home from after a hard day at work, to dine with him every night, to watch our children grow, to know that for the rest of my days I will wake up beside him. How foolish dreams can be, I gained the man of my dreams, but lost the rest.

Was it too much to want a man whose home every day? Who I knew was safe and sound where ever he may be?

But that's not how it turned out; instead my heart is constantly worrying about his safety. My soul is never at rest. Sometime I want to shout to the heavens for the injustices that is my life. Other women get to have their fairy tale life, it may not be perfect but they got what they wanted. I am lucky if three months goes by without, an enemy turn up or an evil idiot wanting to take over the world (or universes). He has given himself to the world and his heart to me, sometime I wonder how it would be if it was the other way round.

As I am never that lucky I will never know. Since being with him I have come to fear the nights, it's always harder not to think, when silence is your only company. I cry myself to sleep, always remembering to keep quite. I cannot afford to let my sons see such weakness. Sure I have my fits, but I can never allow myself to let go completely in front of them. I am their mother I must be strong, lead them and rear tem into maturity. Losing him to Cell was the baggiest blow; I may have lost him so many times before. But this time he was so confident, so sure of himself, and then he went BOOM. Ahhhhhh, what bloody thing did I do to deserve such a fate! I was a good girl, I listened to my father, obeyed the law and I have been a fantastic wife. However, it has never been enough.

I watched Bulma and Vegeta they are happy in their crazy sort of way. And even 18 and Krillin are happy together. But me, always alone, I am constantly thinking of him, is he even aware that I miss him, that there are moments that I want to rip out his heart and stamp on it. What good is promising to love a person and not being there to show that person how you feel? Did he leave because I shout too much and even if I did, it's only because I fear for him.

Does he not love me as much as he said he does?

Is there another he loves?

I will understand if there is, after I have beaten the crap out of them and sent them both to hell that is. I am the ox princess I deserve better than this, don't I?

The first day of our marriage was pure bliss, even after Gohan was born, are relationship grew stronger and stronger. We had very little but we were happy. He would come home every night and cuddle up to me, kiss me softly and show me that damn saiyan stamina. He spoiled me so badly, how could I possibly want someone else. I blush just thinking about our nights together. However, his loving is double edge sword, one side sweet, tender, giving. The other side is cold, hard and lonely.

Time passed, he was taken from me but so was Gohan, those nights were the loneliest of my life. If I knew then, what I know now and don't know if I would have stayed. Battles after battles and guess what more battles; my moments with him consisted of a quick hug and kiss here and there. Then I was in bed alone, Goten within me. And all wanted was to die, to give up, how much pain can one person live with? Gohan was always there supporting me, helping me. It broke my heart that he gave up so much for me, Gohan my little warrior. Goten birth was a joy within its self. A perfect replicate of my Goku down to the innocence's, I bet he thought this would ease my suffering and save himself from an ass whopping. Holding Goten gave me a new lease to life, he was my ray of light in the blackening sky.

His back now, Majin Buu has been defeated. His in the bathroom washing up, my heart is pounding in my chest. It's almost like our first time again. My body has changed so much, it's no longer the body of an 18 year old, instead it's the body of a woman who has given birth to two children and who is in her late thirties. He comes out of the bathroom; a towel loosely hanging on his hip. Damn that the body of his, but I refuse to give into my temptations. How dare he believe that he can come back like this and I'll just jump into bed with him?

Goku how innocents his friend think he is. Laying beside me his hand caressing my thigh, I can't believe I still have so much stamina. I believe he showed me some new tricks. His awake I know he is. I could feel him watching me, waiting for me to say what's on my mind. I turn around and face him.

"I love you" he says and with those three little words all was well again in my world.

All the pain, anger and grief I felt was gone. I kissed him softly and cuddled up close to him. Damn you Goku just when I thought I had seen it all, you show me something new.

"I love you" I whispered back.

I know I would give away a lifetime for just one minute with him. I now see that the fate has given me more than what I asked for or even dreamed. I am Son Chi Chi, wife of the strongest men in the universe. I am lying within his arms and there is no place in the universe I'll rather be.


End file.
